Monday, November 7, 2011

Pain... Does it just become more Numb or Does it go away?

So... I have been thinking lately about Loss. Probably sparked by the two year anniversary of the day my own mom died. But the question I am thinking is this. Does the pain ever really go away or does it just become more numb over time? I feel that in my own pain, it has stopped become such a constant hurt but when something triggers it, the pain stings just as sharply as when I first heard the news on the phone.
 I am definitely disturbed by insensitive people that have told me to "get over it" too. Or that seem startled when I still get emotional or have "down days." I don't think you can ever get over something like that. How am I supposed to pretend that one of the biggest impacts on my life doesn't matter anymore, and I have stopped feeling that void in my life? I don't think it's possible. And I can't and don't want to replace my mom either. I would like to think that people are special, and can't merely be bought out or updated when they run out or get old.
I find it fascinating too how we all try to cope with the pain of loss. Some people bottle it up, and pretend that they are totally fine and that nothing bad has ever happened to them. Others look for cures to their pain. In church, in therapy, in talking to friends, etc. They want to "fix" it. Others just keep so busy that they don't ever have to think and they numb themselves to the hurt. I think I am a combination of the three.
But I do wonder if it ever goes away.... I don't really think it does, but just that we become more calloused and tell ourselves things to give us hope of a better day. And yes that better day will most definitely come because of the gospel of Jesus Christ and his atonement... but in the meantime...?

1 comment:

  1. I know this post was a while ago, but I just have to comment. First of all, I love you Faith! You and your family have made such an impact on my life, especially your mom. She is a very special person who cannot be replaced. The pain does hurt, but does lessen over time. Remember the atonement, Jesus suffered all kinds of pain so they we don't have to. Even though you have to wait awhile to see her again, your mom is with you in spirit everyday, and that is something that helps me deal with the pain-the knowledge that families are together forever and that angels are all around us all the time. I would suggest on your down days to do things to help you feel closer to Heavenly Father and your mom. Remember to keep smiling!